Friday, January 11, 2013

Thoughts on Continuing, and Capturing Christmas

Countless times since March have I started etching out posts in my mind to blog. But didn't. As life has continued forward, its more difficult to articulate the mixture of loss, life, renewed joy, anger,  hope, discouragement, drawbacks, deep peace and love we all experience in life. I am not sure how to continue blogging. What to write about. Whether to write at all. And simultaneously I miss doing so. So, we'll see. I so deeply appreciate the support so many of you have shown to my self imposed therapy of writing. And to my silence on this venue for the past 9 months. As for going forward, we shall see. Perhaps. 

Please continue to pray for us, whether I am updating or not, Jairus's death continues to impact our daily lives. The amputation scars. But it does not cease to be a missing limb. 

On that note, here are a couple photos of remembering Jairus from this Christmas season...

The day in December we decided to bring his Christmas tree to the cemetery was the day our home got 16 inches of snow. It was so beautiful at the cemetery. 

 Hazen and Emma LOVE playing in the snow there, rolling down the big hill and playing in the giant tree

 Which is nice and gives Mark and I some time to reflect. 

Then we got stuck in the icy snow for 50 minutes.

Tears of bittersweet memory turn quickly to rants of frustration and eventually tears of laughter as I end up chasing the car onto St Anthony Parkway yelling "THANK YOU!" over my shoulder to the freezing, soaking wet funeral director who came to help rescue us in his full suit and dress shoes. He must've been convinced we had officially lost our minds.  God bless him.

 The kids helped hang ornaments this year, pointing out which ornaments were theirs, which were Jairus's and which ornaments they thought would break if people weren't careful. They're good at labeling things. I think 6 broke this year. Luckily none that I had emotionally attached to my heart. 

 5 stockings hung in a row, one with just a single ornament inside. That one is definitely attached to my heart strings. 

 Christmas at the cemetery was more peaceful. And much less treacherous.

And yes, this Christmas we had Much Joy.

We did return again 3 days later for Jairus's second birthday. (No pictures were taken as the area was being prepared for the fresh tears of a new family saying goodbye to their precious baby.)  2 years. Can you believe it?! I can't. It is a day worth blogging about. But I'll have to hope to get to it later. 


  1. Thank you for your wonderful words and having the courage to share them! We love you! mom

  2. I definitely relate to the blogging slump. It's hard to encompass it all, and it doesn't feel right to write about the joys without the sorrows, and vice versa, of the complexities of healing - while always yearning for our little boys.