As recently mentioned here, Mark and I have been trying to work with our specialist at Mayo Clinic and our insurance company in order for me to receive a medication which has been shown to help women with my blood disorder to have healthy, lower risk pregnancies. Turns out more than 40% of pregnancies are lost when the mother has this disorder. (That staggers the mind when I look at Emma and Hazen. What a miraculous blessing they are!!) Having that information also makes us extremely cautious about going forward with another pregnancy without medical help.
We've been extremely optimistic about this treatment option as we've waited for this news since October. Every indication was that once the insurance company had the information available and the medical reasoning why it is necessary, we would be approved.
Yesterday we received news from our insurance provider that they are denying our appeal for that medication. Stating that there isn't enough research to support its use. Note: there's not much research because its an uncommon disorder in young, otherwise healthy, women. Thus far we've only heard of Mayo Clinic ever doing any research on it.
We're just in shock right now. Once again, we had a plan in place that is now gone. We don't know which way to go, to push forward or go in a different direction. We don't know whether to close the door on more children or persevere for them. It seems that if we're having so much trouble, other families are too, and that gives us reason to push against the bureaucracy and try to make changes that might also help others. But right now we're just so tired. So confused. So disappointed.
We'd really love to have another baby. But we don't know if its going to be safe to try again without medical intervention. We're open to adoption but that is also a long, expensive, uncertain process. And if it's God's will, we want to release the desire for more children and pour our love into the two we've already miraculously been given (which, it should go without saying, we're going to do for them whether more children come along or not). There are many different roads before us but we don't know which way to go. So we feel stuck. Waiting. Wondering.
So please be praying for Mark and I as we seek the Lord's will. We want to keep our hands open for whatever He may have for us. We don't want to give up just because its hard, but we also want to be sensitive to the different ways God closes doors. We need direction.
In all this, we know that God is for us. We know He is up to more than we can see from our vantage point, that He is good and loving and worthy of all praise. We also know He desires us to know Him and follow as He leads, so please pray He would reveal Himself clearly, that we would be willing to follow and able to be changed by His Spirit. We are nothing but clay in the hands of our Potter. Let His will, be done.