Christmas is on its Way

In trying to include Jairus in our holidays this year, we're starting some new traditions.

On thanksgiving we made a "Thankful Tree" in which we (the four of us and my parents) each wrote, shared and hung up a few things we are thankful for this year. We then brought our Thankful tree to the cemetery and left it at Jairus's graveside.

The kids decorated a mini-Christms tree for Jairus and brought it to his grave this weekend. 

We're baking like always, though mostly just us, rather than surrounded by friends and noise. Just trying to keep it more simple and quiet this year. The kids are of course loving it all!

 This weekend we went out and picked a Christmas tree. And though I cried a little in the store and had a sick feeling in my stomach the whole time we picked through the selection, its a beautiful tree and we had a good time decorating it as a family and reading the Grinch Stole Christmas with Mark's parents!

We even had our first indoor fire in the fireplace. It was very nostalgic. Until we realized the basement had filled with smoke.

We're starting an ornament collection for Jairus, just as we have done with Emma and Hazen since they were born. He will have a stocking hung in his honor over the fireplace mantle. But I'm not ready to get our stockings out yet. I just can't seem to hang them up. One of these days I will. And I'll cry for my baby's first Christmas and remember gladly that he's celebrating Christmas with Jesus this year.

3 days after Christmas we will have to face the day we dread the most. December 28th will mark 1 year since Jairus died and was born. I don't know what to do for that day. Can't begin to figure out how to celebrate the little life of my beloved son. I want him to be celebrated, to thank God for bringing Jairus into Heaven where he is filled with joy and peace and love beyond measure. I want to thank God for His mercy and comfort to my family this past year, for showing us bits of His plans for us and His work through Jairus's life and death. But I'm not quite ready to go there yet. So I'll linger here, preparing for Christmas.

December has so far been a mixture of joy and pain, of smiles and tears, of fear and hope.
We will celebrate the coming of our King and the promise of the manger.
May God be glorified through this December too.