Thursday, December 1, 2011


I keep catching myself filling my time, mind and life with distractions. Problem is, once the excitement of something new wears off, I need a new distraction. Lately my distractions have come specifically in the forms of online shopping, baking, cleaning, shopping in stores, preparing for upcoming Holidays, wine, foodie movies and spending time with people. NONE of those things are bad in and of themselves. For "all things are permissible" but when I am running to those things to put a band-aid on my heart, that IS a problem.

Its much easier to bake bread than be still and seek the Lord for HIS healing. I get a rush from finding a great deal on Etsy and again when the package comes in the mail, but now I'm done with Christmas shopping and the urge to buy is a dangerous one for our budget, trouble with 'things' is you will always want more, more, more!

I am busy filling my time with busyness because I feel a stress ball building up within me. And its too hard to stop my day and deal with it by taking it to the Lord. That's too painful. Too inconvenient. So I take up my burdens myself and labor under them by ignoring them.

Please pray that I would be able to drop that baggage at Jesus' feet.

Jairus turned 11 months on Monday. In 24 days it will be Christmas. In 27 days we will mark 1 year since we labored and delivered our still baby. I'm so tempted to rush through this month and put on a smile and ignore the memories that have been flooding my mind in a fresh, painful way.

And yet, there is God's whisper within me, urging me so gently and lovingly toward Himself, toward the manger, toward the Hope and Joy of what Christmas is holding for all of us, even me. So though I am tempted to be busy constantly, I hope to stop and worship this Christmas season. To dwell in the presence of my Good God. To hope for His peace, comfort, perfect healing and joy.

1 comment:

  1. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and struggles. Your honesty about your continuing grief reminds us all to place our struggles before Christ this blessed holiday. Looking forward to sharing some time with all of you! mom